Song for Europe



Dougal has "Eurosong fever", months ahead of the competition. After initially rejecting Dougal's suggestion that they write a song to represent Ireland in the competition, Ted discovers his arch-nemesis Dick Byrne does have plans to enter a song. Ted decides that if Dick Byrne can write a song, he and Dougal can write a better one. After working all night, they come up with "My Lovely Horse", a tuneless dirge with ridiculous lyrics lasting less than a minute. Jack actually shoots his guitar. Disillusioned, they are about to give up when Ted discovers the lyrics fit a tune by "Nin Huguen and the Huguenotes", an obscureB-side for an entry from Norway's Eurosong preselection from the 1970s. Ted thought that because the whole band died in a plane crash, including all the record company staff and everyone involved in the copyright, they would get away with it.

At the Dublin theatre where "A Song For Ireland" is being hosted, Ted has some trouble talking to the Judge as he finds he is gay, which the Catholic Church is against. Ted and Dougal listen to Dick Byrne's entry, "The Miracle Is Mine". It is extremely impressive, with a full choir, huge band and a passionate performance from Byrne. Ted is worried and goes backstage for a smoke, where he hears the Norwegian tune first being whistled by a maintenance worker, then playing in a lift. He is horrified, realising that the song is well-known, and he and Dougal are forced to adopt "Plan B": singing the dreadful original version. In the original version, Ted even says near the end when changing chord for the only time during the song, "Hang on, I can do this bit", while Dougal uses what looks like an old Casio keyboard.

Despite their poor performance, and against the evident wishes of the audience, Irish Eurosong boss Charles Hedges awards "My Lovely Horse" first place. This is apparently because he wants to guarantee Ireland lose the main competition, since Ireland has won the contest every year from 1991 to 1995 and it is too expensive for Ireland to host the competition every year. (Ireland won the realEurovision Song Contest in 1992, 1993 and 1994, and so had the costly obligation of hosting it in 1993, 1994 and 1995.) The episode closes at the Eurosong contest, with Ted, Dougal, Jack and Mrs. Doyle listening to every country awarding them "nul points".